The Archangel's Guide to Becoming Loki
by tranland
Summary: He finds he rather likes the word irony. Various one-shots centering the sassiest angel in the Garrison.
1. Step One: Ditch the Folks

**AN: Hello! I know, this first chapter seems dark and a little weird, but this isn't my normal writing style. It makes more sense in the second chapter. I just wanted to start it out with _how_, y'know? Yeah. Please enjoy. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Supernatural, or any form of Norse mythology. All I have is this iPad.**

* * *

The formless light exploded from the sky, with fear, confusion and hatred streaming from it as it fell. Well, it didn't fall. That sounded too ungraceful. No, it raced downwards with control slipping from its grasp.

_ Pain pain pain_

The word and feeling was foreign to the being, unfamiliar and uncomfortable as is roiled around in its head and kind-of body. It felt the intense desire to turn back, to forget the occasion like it had all the others, but something else pulled it closer to the earth, the odd green and brown and blue creation of its Father.

* * *

The being shrieked, unknowingly causing a few mortal villages below to erupt in flames, but its pain was greater than any it had ever experienced in all the centuries of battle - no, this pain was something that grated on the inside, some part that its massively powerful Grace could not heal, no matter many attempts were made. It began to plummet faster, toward one of the more civilized lands of Father's creation. Of course, that would be where it finds The One. Father had mentioned it, on the occasion that the winds were calm and the garrisons were peaceful with one another.

* * *

Lucifer's garrison was particularly nasty as of recent times, causing famine and war to break out amongst the Creatures, which caused Father to be extremely disappointed in all of His oldest children. You should know better, He says. You should love my new Children as you have loved each other. They will be very important to us, He tries to make Lucifer understand. The Morning Star would not listen. Instead, Lucifer tries to wreck his younger brethren further, corrupting one of the beings Father held dear for so long. Father ordered Michael to send Lucifer away. _How long_, Michael asked. _Long enough_, Father answers. Gabriel cannot bear to see his family so torn. Lucifer, always looking for allies. Michael, always dedicated to Father - which, by the way, where has He been since Michael's last task?

* * *

So Gabriel leaves. Michael, always dutiful to now-errant Father, sends Gabriel away with Grace bleeding through his wings. Why would Brother do so? As Gabriel falls, new emotions come to him.

_Anger fear pain loss_

Why has he subjected himself to this... feeling? The pain is intensifying, already surpassing that of which it has felt before.

_It he it he who is it who is he_

Another pull, and the memory flashes through once more. Father has settled Gabriel down, and tells a tale. There are special ones out there, Gabriel. There is one, one born every few millennia, that are created just for you, My Son. As the same with every archangel. That True One, made for you only, will hold your Grace and all your glory.

* * *

And so Gabriel falls, his power searching for The One to hold him in all his Grace and glory. A soul calls out to him, reaching with tattered fingers that cling to Gabriel's Grace. The angel surges with a warmth unheard of in his ultimately long existence. This is The One. This soul was his.

* * *

In the vast distance between his home and his presence, _pain_ so strong it nearly broke him shocked through his connection to family. Lucifer's Grace screeched as Michael sent Brother through the Barrier, the one Father warned never to cross. With one last surge, he blocked the bond to his brothers. New words were learned.

_Silence loneliness cold_

The last revelation burned him with icy torture. He had no Brothers, no Sisters, no Father. He was alone.

With a flare of Grace, he grabbed the soul which called out to him, and made himself visible to the Creature.

* * *

_Will you take me_, Gabriel asked. _Anything for you, Lord,_ the Creature answered. _I have nothing left to give_, it sighs. The Creature's soul flashes with this new pain, and Gabriel sees a father, two greedy brothers, a dagger and Creature.

_Irony_

With an inhuman gleam, Creature's body begins to glow. Tendrils of Grace wrap itself around Creature as Gabriel forces himself inside. It is an easy fit, as though sliding into a second skin - literally. Creature's soul flares up against his Grace._ I have a name_, it whispers.

* * *

The angel, inside one of his Father's creations, smiles softly. _So do I_, as Gabriel sends the soul to the Heavenly Gates. He feels constricted almost, but then he twitches a muscle and his wings unfurl, causing his shoulders to slump and a semblance of peace to come to him. The word shoulder is unfamiliar. So is eye. And arm, leg, tooth, grin, frown... Gabriel's bird-like feathers rustle in confusion. He had a lot to learn if he was going to be here for a while.

After the seemingly impossible fall, he finds he rather likes the word _irony_.


	2. Step Two: Why Is This My Family

_Ahahaha. _I'm funny, damn it. If you don't like what I think God should be like (if he happens to exist, lol), then ignore this chapter. The next (probably last) chapter will pertain to Gabriel's Loki-ness. Or maybe something else. Idk.

DISCLAIMER: Do I own Supernatural yet? Let's see the check list:

_Can I call Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and/or Misha Collins any time I want?_ No.

_Do I posses the power to utterly destroy a fangirl's heart by making fictional characters do my bidding?_ Um, only in fanfiction. So no.

_Do I have a shitload of money_? AHAHAHAHAHA NO. -gross sobbing-

that concludes my test. I do not own Supernatural. Enjoy my free writing.

* * *

_Gabriel_.

With a start, the archangel-gone-rogue flared his wings out, wild eyes looking in every direction at once. "Who?" He called out, feeling a twinge of his Grace curl up in preparation for defense. Sure, he was one of the more powerful archangels out there, but that didn't mean he was all-powerful. No, that had been Dad. Before Dad left, that was.

_Gabriel, listen to me. _

There it was again, that dumb voice calling out to him. It tickled his memory, like some voice long forgotten. "Sorry, you've reached the wrong supernatural creature." he shrugged flippantly. "This is... This is Loki speaking." Might as well get used to calling himself that, after all. What better time to start than when confronted with some other angel?

_I made a mistake, Son. I need your help. _

"Dad?!" What? Since when did God All-mighty make mistakes? Last time one of his kids upset Him, He tore the family apart with righteous fury. Tiger Mommy, meet Tiger Daddy. "Why are you - where are you?" Gabriel flustered, his tawny eyes searching for the being he knew would not be anywhere.

"I hope you know this is a one-time thing, Gabriel." A young man's voice sounded out from behind the archangel, ringing with the old power that Gabriel knew belonged only to God Himself. Gabriel flipped around, surprised to see a man in his early twenties before him. The man had a delightfully messy flop of black hair, nearly hiding his bright green eyes.

"Was that a meatsuit someone might miss?" The archangel remarked offhandedly, hiding his inner turmoil. God rolled his eyes at Gabriel, sighing heavily.

"That whole 'only one vessel in all the world' thing was just an experiment, Gabriel. Now Michael and Lucifer are going to freak out about it in another couple centuries or so," God snorted, "They really need to not take my word so seriously, you know?"

"You're coming to me to complain about my older brothers?" Gabriel remarked, a tilted eyebrow at his Father's nonchalant attitude. Wow, for a guy that's been missing for a millennia, he was awfully laid back. "In case you didn't notice, I'm kind of the second black sheep of the family."

"Oh come on Gabriel, you're not the other black sheep. Trust me, you'll be welcomed back into the family as soon as Michael and Lucifer stop their hissy fits. So... in a millennia or two."

"Gee, that's super-reassuring, Daddy! While you're at it, can you crush the rest of my dreams, too?"

God stifled a chuckle, and then he was all business once more. "Listen, Gabriel... I really do need your help. I'm in trouble." He lowered his voice, although it was obvious no one except Gabriel could hear him. The archangel in question tilted his head, gesturing for Him to continue. God seemed to smile at Gabriel's head-tilt, as though he was thinking of some incredibly funny joke. "I might have gotten into a... physical relation. With a married woman. On accident," He finally managed to get out from his mumbling lips.

"You committed one of your own sins? Wow Pops, that's almost as low as dropping out on your insane angelic children!" Gabriel knew it was a low blow, but he was still enraged that his Father was doing nothing to stop the turmoil in Heaven.

"Yes, I'm a terrible father... but really, Gabriel - I also might have, um, gotten her pregnant." He looked down, shuffling his feet and fixing his green gaze on the ground below him.

"So? Good for her and the happy husband, they've got a kid!" Gabriel spread his arms out, not quite seeing why or how his Father had such a problem with this. Maybe he was suffering a mid-existence crisis. Except for the fact that he was pretty sure those didn't exactly exist.

"She was a virgin."

Gabriel's eyebrows rose up, and his tawny eyes widened with surprised amusement. "I'm not sure whether I should congratulate you or shun you, so... What do you want me to do, Pops?" Gabriel was definitely shocked by this turn of events - to think, his Dad, creator of the known universe, had committed one of His most important sins. It was kind of funny, to be honest.

"You'll have to inform her that she is carrying the Child of God." He looked up to the archangel, green eyes glittering with remorse. "You're the only one of my Children that would even be okay with this in the first place, you know?" Gabriel sighed as his Father gave him the God-like equivalent of puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, I'll go tell her she's pregnant," He snuffed at his Father. "What a way to end a one-night stand. 'Hey, lady! My dad got you pregnant with his God-baby! Good luck!' Don't you think that's a little depressing?" Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest, his golden wings flaring out with an annoyed flick.

"I cannot just tell her, she would never believe me." His eyes grew hard once again, although he still retained a soft voice and gentle stance.

"What makes you think she'll listen to a complete stranger, huh?"

"You're the archangel. You figure it out." With those words, God disappeared, leaving no trace except for a single molted feather on the ground. It was visible to human eyes, now that it had fallen off His body, but anyone who saw it would assume that a feathered dragon would be on its way to destroy their village. It was a pinion, one of the long flight feathers, and it was about half as long as Gabriel's vessel was tall - which, although he wasn't really all that tall, that was one damn long feather. It sparkled with gold and silver hues, and seemed to elicit sparks as it touched Gabriel's hand when he bent over to pick it up. He held the feather to his face, inspecting it closely as it sparked and glowed.

"I never would have taken Him for the melodramatic type," Gabriel muttered to himself as he spread his wings and took off, searching for the woman last touched by God.


	3. Step Three: Go Back to the Future

**AN: Hahaha, I can't keep my muse down. I rewatched Hammer of the Gods like twenty minutes ago and Gabriel mentioned going to the future to see how it all pans out - this idea popped into my head. Expect a follow-up chapter eventually. This is angsty and mentions Destiel in a pretty depressing way, but hey, this is 2014!Destiel we're talking about here. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT is depressing and angsty. **

**So, yeah. Enjoy! Review to tell me what you think! **

* * *

_Play the roles that destiny has chosen for you!_

Dean, Sam and Castiel were gone. They had left him in the ring of fire, with water splattering around him as though the ceiling were crying. The holy pain-in-his-ass had died down, leaving him free to move as he wished, yet he remained still for quite a while. Even his vessel's desires for flesh and food had been dulled as he stared at the doorway.

He was still shocked at the taint that ran through Castiel. His wings were messy and not groomed, causing silky silver and black feathers to cascade around him as he moved about the warehouse. The Winchester Idiots hadn't even noticed his problem yet, although that could probably be blamed for the fact that they were only human. Still - shouldn't vessels have the ability to see angels and all their (very few) ailments?

Gabriel's curiosity (and a sick, black feeling in the back of his throat) grew, and he knew that he would not be able to rest until he knew the end of this particular plot line. For the first time in a few days, he stretched out his golden wings and flared them wide, preparing for a trip through time.

* * *

With a snap of his fingers, he landed in the middle of a run-down campsite. Ratty tents and run-down log cabins dotted the land, and weary humans walked to and fro, heads hung low and spirits even more so. A small tugging at his Grace pulled him forward. Focusing on the only connection to his brother, Gabriel continued onward.

The cabin he found himself at was decrepit and reeked of drugs and sex. On any normal day he would have smirked with glee - _Good job, Cassie, you finally got the stick outta your ass! _- but this time, there was no joy in his expression. Castiel had not been Castiel for quite a while. This man was no powerful angel of the Lord. He was a shell; a broken soul that had fallen from the highest tower.

Gabriel took cautious steps through the beaded doorframe. He was cloaked, so no human could perceive him. Luckily, Castiel was human enough. All he felt was a slight displacement - and the man was so out of it he merely thought it was one more side effect from all the intoxicants.

The archangel's heart shattered as he watched his little brother talk of peace and oneness and orgies. His vessel's eyes had dimmed over time, and had lost the bright ethereal glow that had been his pride and joy. His wings had been all but destroyed - only bare, rotting bones and infected feathers. It was painful to even look at... no wonder he had taken on all the addictions. It would take complete stonage to dull the torture even in the slightest. "Oh, Castiel," Gabriel murmured, "what happened to you?"

It was obvious to the archangel, however. Tweedle-Dean's scent was all over the drugged-out ex-angel. His scent was strongest, despite the fact that scantily clad women were practically crawling all over Castiel. There was a connection between the two, even if it was only clear to Gabriel. No wonder they had been so close when confronting him - the two mooks had probably been hashing out their emotions and trying to figure out how rainbow sex worked. At least, all the uncomfortable staring made it seem that way.

But that was beside the point - which was, in fact, that Castiel had fallen lower than even Anael. While she had been human, her Grace had been stored outside her body, safe in case she returned to angelhood again. Castiel's, however, was simply... gone. There was no trace of it left in the world. He would never be allowed back into Heaven, whether he be human or angel.

Plus, the severance of Heaven completely terrified Gabriel. He reached out for someone, anyone who could hear him - yet there was nothing but silence. Castiel's soul was the closest thing to Grace around, yet it had been drowned and beaten down into sick submission.

The Righteous Man. If his mark was so prevalent on Castiel, surely he was still around, too? He wouldn't let the world go to crap like this. He must have had some kind of plan, or... something. The archangel reached out his senses, hoping against hope that he could find Deano's soul.

Oh, there it-

Oh, _God_.

Dean's soul was broken. Shattered beyond belief. Dragged under further than Castiel's own blissed-out piece of scrap.

His pulsated with angry red power; inky darkness covering him like a sick sheen of death and pain. Screams of pain and arousal were one and the same to Dean. Castiel's own were like ambrosia.

Gabriel was going to be sick to his stomach. Don't even try to factor in the part where archangels don't even get sick - it was just that upsetting. The pure _hopelessness_ of it all had his Grace roiling around his insides like a gallon of spoiled milk.

Castiel began to remove his clothes as he waited for the women to prepare themselves. Gabriel fled the room. Even though he considered himself a Sex God, he couldn't bear to see Castiel lose himself to the temptations of the body, even if it was part of a normal day for him.

As sighs of pleasure emanated from the cabin, screams of agony erupted from the other side of the camp. Gabriel knew what they were without checking on Dean - it was too painful for him to even think about.

Then, he felt the Other.

Lucifer.

He spread his wings and flew, pinpointing the one source of angelic power he knew was left. Lucifer greeted him with warm eyes from a chillingly familiar face. Some part of Gabriel broke even further at the sight of Sammy-cries-a-lot's face in front of his brother's. "Hello, Gabriel. I guess killing you once wasn't enough, was it?" Lucifer's voice rang out underneath Sam's, the power radiating from him causing Gabriel to shiver. He was _dead_ in the future? But... it was only a few years ahead! What the hell had he done?

"I haven't had the pleasure of being dead yet, thanks." Gabriel responded, biting back his fear. "I just thought a little trip through time would be fun, y'know?" A shrug. "Looks like the sights to be seen aren't all that visible underneath the death and zombies." he waved a hand through the air, slicing through the stale air and struggling to remain calm.

"Oh," Lucifer looked positively delighted at that fact. "So glad I did it right the first time. I would hate to have to kill you again, you know."

"I'm gonna pretend you welcomed me back with a hug," Gabriel quirked a nervous eyebrow at his older brother and spread his arms out wide in a long, sweeping gesture. "It was nice to see ya, Luci, but I really must be going - the missus would get awfully nervous if I got back too late, y'know."

Lucifer returned his uncomfortable words with a cold gaze that froze Gabriel to his core. "Good luck, Brother." Lucifer smiled at him with Sam's mouth, a sick facial expression that did not, could not and should not belong on Sam's face. In the back of his mind, Gabriel swore he could hear Sam's pleas for help. He gave the Morning Star one last long, sad look before snapping his fingers once more.

* * *

Back in the same warehouse as before. The place was still standing, and Dean and Castiel were not completely lost. Sam was not the Devil's angel-condom. Relief washed through Gabriel as he pondered his options - the Whinechesters clearly would not give in until it was too late, so it looked like it was up to him to save the day and change the course of the future - _again_.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, he prepared himself for his next jump into the future. This time, however, he planned on making a few changes.

Hopefully, he could manage to keep himself alive this time.


	4. Step Four: Save the World(and the Moose)

**AN: Hellooooo! The second installment of this two-shot I had going here. If you want me to continue this thread and try to take it somewhere - well, I probably could, but I like this just fine. I can go back to doing regular one-shots and snippets of Gabe's life, or I could do some (slightly) AU stuff after Swan Song, since this chapter kind of has to do with... all of that. So. Yeah. Tell me what you want, people! **

**Thanks for reading this much if you've done it, really! I appreciate it. **

* * *

As he stood there, wings poised above him, thoughts and ideas raced through his mind. What could he do to stop the Apocalypse? He couldn't kill Lucifer. It seemed like he tried once already, and look where that got him - dead. If Sam had tried to ice the Devil, obviously that backfired horribly. Dean couldn't kill him unless he decided to play prom dress for Michael, and that just wouldn't do. Gabriel sighed heavily, his arching, golden wings slouching down and resting on the ground. He sat down with a small pout, and snapped a Snicker's bar into his hand. Taking a chunk out of the candy, he pondered over his last few options.

Go back to Heaven and get a bunch of weapons, then go back to hiding? No, someone else already did that. Gabriel the archangel was many things, but a copycat was not one of them.

There was one other option, however.

Go back to the future. This time, though, he had a set plan in mind - shove Luci back into his box, no matter the cost.

He finished off the candy bar and snapped his fingers once more.

* * *

This time, he landed in what seemed like - you guessed it - the Apocalypse. _Stull Cemetery_, his brain provided automatically. Ah. This particular place had been emblazoned into every angel's mind since Creation. Stull Cemetery was where it would all go down. No angel had truly known what would happen, or when, but apparently the events were unfolding right before his very eyes.

It was odd how, considering the two suns battling out supremacy merely twenty feet away, Gabriel first noticed the nearly-human soul of one of his brothers. He knew who it was even before he turned to look, although it merely confirmed that - _Father damn it! _Castiel _still_ managed to lose whatever angelic status he had left. At least this version didn't reek of marijuana and orgies. This one was still just as innocent as before.

Well, mostly. He still smelled like Deano, but that was kind of a given in Gabriel's eyes.

His attention switched to the supernova just begging to happen before him. Michael - not in Dean's meatsuit, apparently - and Sam-

Lucifer.

Again? Really? Gabriel ignored the twinge of uncomfortable _actual feeling bad_ for Sammy, and watched with amusement as Cas tossed a holy molotov at Mikey. Luckily, the neither ex-angel nor archangel could see him as he laughed at Castiel's cursing.

Then Lucifer blew the little angel that could up and snapped Bobby's neck, and Gabriel sobered up instantly. Obviously this was meant to be The Showdown, complete with world-burning-apart accessories and a free Eternal Paradise on the side. It didn't look like the Paradise bit was actually gonna happen, considering the fact that a) Michael was just molotov'd outta the ballpark, b) Dean would not - scratch that, _could_ not kill his own brother, whether he be just an angel-condom at that point or not, and c) Lucifer was definitely not of those "let's all hug and be best friends forever in Paradise whoopee!" types.

So basically, Earth was screwed. Gabriel prepared to send himself back into the present time (for him, anyway), but something caught his eye.

Dean was holding the four Horsemen's rings. Even though Luci was beating the stuffing out of the poor hunter, he held on to that thing like the world depended on it.

Odds were, the world actually depended on it.

Then, something amazing happened. Gabriel wasn't even sure it was possible, but - there it was. Lucifer had been beaten down by his own vessel. Sam, obviously having some kind of extreme mental breakdown, took the ring from Dean with apology fierce in his eyes. He tossed it down to the ground, and then Michael was there too, grappling for power.

Sam, however, was having none of it. With a bravery that shocked the only invisible archangel into silence, he grabbed Mikey tight in his arms and let himself fall through the doorway and into the deepest pit of Hell.

Castiel came back somehow, too. Probably during the time when Gabriel was staring at the hole where Sammy Moosechester had pushed himself to Hell. He brought back Bobby and healed Deano right back up. The moments after that were silent and filled with a thousand words that were never said. With a start, he realized Castiel had as many wings as he himself did - _someone_ brought little Cassie back as a big bad archangel now, hadn't they?

Dean pulled Castiel into a kiss that lasted only a moment. Bobby had not seen anything, of course, but the tender looks between them remained.

This was too intimate for Heaven's first wayward son. Gabriel shook out his wings and shot off for his own place and time. Luckily, he had discovered how to save the world. And guess what? He was sure he could sense his own Grace back in that time period, so - score one for Gabe! He was still alive and kickin'!

* * *

Once he landed back in the crusty warehouse, he spread his senses out to try and catch Ham and Bean Winchester. There they were - oh.

Gabriel wasn't so sure it was a great idea to visit them with his great news. Even though he had never met these people, he could feel the shock and loss of Ellen and Joanna Harvelle just from the (slowly withering, oh _Father damn it_) connection between Castiel and himself. He knew it would be almost suicide to see any Winchester affiliation for the next month or so, or at least until they drank enough alcohol so as to drown out the pain.

Apparently, Joanna and Ellen had been almost family to the Winchester bros. Really, though? They needed to just stop making friends - maybe then when everyone died, they wouldn't care as much. At least, that's how Gabriel went through existence. It was kind of hard not to do that anyway, considering the fact that when he was barely a fledge, he left home planning to never go back.

It looked like his run away from home was coming to an all-too-soon ending. Damn it.

Once the Winchesters (kind of) get over the loss of the Harvelles, guess what - more things happened. To be honest, Gabriel's sick of the crap-fest the two dudes have to endure, along with his own little bro's constant fear and withering wings. Honestly? Did Dad get some kind of sick amusement out of making these guys have terrible lives? Apparently so.

So, after a few deaths (some of them being their own, and now isn't _that_ an old story to tell nowadays), Gabriel finally gets word that - hey! - his old pagan buddies were going to use the schmucks as bait for Michael and Lucifer.

Gabriel knew the future he saw was fast approaching them. He was glad he would have a chance to explain everything, but then -

Father damn it, Lucifer and Kali and all those other freaking nuisances just had to keep screwing around with him, didn't they? Not to mention the fact that the Winchester Mystery Idiots weren't listening to him. Dean had the balls to still call him a coward - the nerve!

So, he did the one thing that could get everyone to trust him - he sacrificed himself.

Of course, Luci didn't realize he had the wrong Gabriel. It was reverse psychology - do you honestly think he'd look directly at the version of him that's about to go in for the kill? _Please_. That was an amateur's mistake.

Gabriel was no amateur. Lucifer may have taught him a lot in the beginning years, but it had been millennia since then. While Luci was stuck in Hell-catraz, Gabriel had been traveling the globe and picking up sleights of hand that took lifetimes to master, and practicing them constantly on his unsuspecting victims. True, being an archangel was awesome... but being a Trickster was just so much more fun!

So while Lucifer had been the most subtle and charming of them all, Gabriel had been the trickiest. He stood behind Sam and Dean as they watched his version of _Casa Erotica_ - the best one, in his opinion - and grinned when they finally got it through their thick skulls that _hey, maybe they had a chance at winning this thing for real!_

With that, he disappeared. He wouldn't return for a while, but he would be back. Of that, he was sure.

Hell, he saved the world! How could he not visit the Losechesters and gloat about how right he was?

He didn't say it out loud, but he knew that he was going to go into Hell to fetch Samantha. Cassie had done it for Deano; why couldn't he do it for Gigantor?

Plus, the gloating would be that less painful.


End file.
